Ouran High School Host Club Male Haruhi
by JackalGod
Summary: Haruhi is actually a guy. How will the story change if he was never a she?
1. Chapter 1

JackalGod: Basically it's an AR/AU Ouran Host Club

JackalGod: Basically it's an AR/AU Ouran Host Club. It's the story of Ouran Host Club but a 'what if Haruhi was actually a guy' scenario. Please enjoy. Most generic scene lines have been recreated except for ones that contain foreshadowing or comments on the situation, like 'But opening the door I found the Host Club instead.' Before such a move one wouldn't know about the host club. But I've tried my best to do most. Of course as the fic goes on certain scenes will have to be changed to fit the fact that Haruhi is actually a guy and not a girl. But it is an AU story so that's expected. In any case please enjoy.

Chapter 1 – You're a Host Starting Today!

Haruhi sighed as he closed the door of the schools fourth reading room.

"There are like four reading rooms," he whined climbing the stairs. "But why is it noisy everywhere? Rich kids all seem like they're at school to play." He paused outside another door, reading the sign plate above it. "A music room not being used. I guess this would be the only place I can study quietly." He turned the handle and was immediately surrounded by rose petals.

"Welcome," came voices from inside. Haruhi froze the door slipping closed behind him.

"Ouran Private Academy is defined by one; prestigious families, and two; wealth. And prosperous people have much time on their hands. Therefore, this Ouran Host Club is about these handsome guys that have time, giving hospitality to these lovely ladies who also have time and profit off of them. It's an elegant game unique to this super-rich school," explained Tamaki.

"Ho…ho…Host Club?" exclaimed Haruhi pressing himself against the door.

"What? It's a guy?" complained the twins in unison.

"Hikaru and Kaoru, you two are in the same class as this guest right?" asked Kyoya curious.

"Yeah but," replied the twins. "This person doesn't go along with others well, so we really don't know him at all." Kyoya smirked at this.

"That's quite rude actually," he commented making the twins shrug, before turning to Haruhi. "Welcome to the Ouran Host Club, special student."

"Nani!?" exclaimed Tamaki excitedly as Haruhi began to fumble with the door handle in his eagerness to leave. "So he's that exceptional special student Haruhi Fujioka!?"

"Why do you know my name?" asked Haruhi nervously.

"Well the way the school works makes it hard for commoners to get in," explained Kyoya. "They say it's pretty hard to be excepted as a special student unless you're a studious bookworm."

"Ahh, why thank you," stammered Haruhi not at all sure it was actually a complement or not.

"Yes," said Tamaki placing an arm around Haruhi's shoulders. "In other words, you are a hero Fujioka-kun. Even if you are the number one student in your class, you are the poorest student in the whole school." Haruhi edged away at this comment starting to feel uncomfortable. Tamaki not at all deterred followed. "While others might marginalize you as a lowly civilian,"

"No, I'm not as bad as you make me sound," complained Haruhi.

"Come on why not?" asked Tamaki. "All hail poverty! Welcome to our elegant world, pauper!"

"Please excuse me," deadpanned Haruhi heading for the door again only to be stopped as Huni energetically grabbed his arms and dragged him back into the room.

"Ne, Haru-chan! Haru-chan!" he exclaimed brightly. "Haru-chan you're a hero? That's awesome!"

"A special student, not a hero," replied Haruhi then realized exactly what Huni had called him. "Wait! Who are you calling Haru-chan!?" Huni immediately backed off tears gathering in his eyes.

"But," began Tamaki thoughtfully. "I never imagined the famous bookworm to be gay."

"Gay?" asked Haruhi confused.

"So, what type do you fancy?" asked Tamaki gesturing to the Host Club. "The wild type? The loli-shota type? The little devil type? The cool type?"

"N…no!" exclaimed Haruhi backing up. "I was just searching for a quiet place to study!" Tamaki moved forward gracefully, encircling Haruhi's face with a gentle hand, making the boy shiver.

"Or, how about you try me?" he asked seductively. "Wanna go?" With a cry Haruhi jumped back, right into a pedestal holding a vase, which crashed to the floor breaking into hundreds of pieces.

"Ahh," sighed the twins together before Hikaru continued. "Rene's flower vase that was the target for our in-school auction."

"That's not good," continued Kaoru. "And we thought we could've reaped up to eight million yen off of this."

"Eight million yen!?" exclaimed Haruhi in shock. "Wait how many thousand is that? How many thousands make eight million yen?" He slowly turned around to face the Host Club. "Umm, about paying for this?"

"Are you able to?" asked the twins in unison. "Someone who can't even buy our designated uniform. Besides what's with that stupid outfit?"

"What should we do Tamaki?" asked Kyoya picking up one of the broken pieces. Tamaki sighed and sat down in a nearby chair, crossing his legs.

"Have you ever heard the saying, Fujioka-kun?" he asked his expression having lost all it's earlier warmth. "When in Rome do as the Romans so. If you don't have the money then work it off. Starting today, you're the Host Clubs dog!"

"This is terrible, Mom," thought Haruhi. "I've been captured by this bizarre Host Club."

Soon enough the Host Club was opened and girls from all over the High School had come to be with the Hosts.

"What type of music do you like, Tamaki-kun?" asked one girl.

"Of course, it is the song we share in our memories," replied Tamaki softly, making the girl blush.

"I baked you some cake today," said another. "Could you try it?"

"If you'd let me," purred Tamaki gently holding the girl's face.

"Oh, Tamaki-kun," she swooned.

"Tamaki-kun, I've heard about it," said yet another putting down her cup, though her tone wasn't particularly happy. "That you've taken in a little stray cat."

"I wouldn't call him a stray cat, but rather," replied Tamaki as Haruhi re-entered the room. "Well, speak of the devil. Little piggy, well done with your errand. Did you buy the correct items?"

"Piggy?" groaned Haruhi holding a paper bag.

"And what's this," asked Tamaki taking a jar from the bag.

"Coffee as you can see," replied Haruhi.

"I haven't seen this maker before," replied Tamaki slightly confused. "Is this the kind where it's already ground?"

"No, it's the instant kind," said Haruhi.

"Instant?" asked one of the girls completely lost.

"Ohh!" said Tamaki suddenly understanding. "This is the type where all you have to do is add hot water to it! The so-called commoner coffee!"

"Oh my!" exclaimed one of the girls, as everyone started gathering around, "So that's the famous?"

"So it's true?" added another girl. "That poor people drink this because they can't grind coffee beans with the little time they have."

"Commoner wisdom I see," noted Tamaki reading the label.

"300 yen for 100 grams, huh?" noted Hikaru.

"What an extraordinary price," added Kaoru.

"I'll go buy it again," said Haruhi getting irritated. "Sorry for not buying expensive coffee nuts!"

"No, wait," said Tamaki jumping to his feet. "I'll try this!" Everyone gasped. "I'll try this out," he repeated and everyone broke into awed applause. "Alright Haruhi. Come over here and make us some commoner coffee."

"You rich bastards," thought Haruhi.

"Tamaki-sama is dallying to much," said the serious girl turning to Haruhi as the others moved away. "There is no way such a personal favourite coffee bought by a lowly commoner would suit his taste."

"Huh?"

"Excuse me," said the girl. "I was just talking to myself."

"Haruhi!" called Tamaki from across the room, where the group had gathered around a table.

"Yeah, yeah," he replied dully. After getting some hot water he set about making the coffee. Once done he put the cups on a tray and handed them to Tamaki. "Here coffee is served."

"Let's enjoy," said Tamaki getting excited.

"I might be a little scared to try it," said one of the girls, looking into her cup with a worried expression.

"Father will scold me if I drink this kind," said another.

"Would you drink it if we went mouth-to-mouth?" asked Tamaki seductively making all the girls blush and nod.

Across the room Hikaru and Kaoru were serving some other girls who weren't interested in the coffee. Hikaru was in the middle of telling the girls a story, with Kaoru looking unhappy.

"And then he said he woke up shocked from a nightmare,"

"Hikaru," complained Kaoru looking embarrassed. "Speaking of that, in front of others is so mean." Tears began forming in his eyes, his face flushed. "Speaking of that…"

"Kaoru," said Hikaru shocked then gently took his twins face in his hand bringing their faces close. "Sorry Kaoru. You just looked so cute that moment. I just…"

"Hikaru," replied Kaoru. At the table the girls squealed in happiness also blushing.

"It's the beautiful brotherly love!"

"Why are you crying in joy?" deadpanned Haruhi as he walked passed carrying a tea tray. "I do not get it."

"Sorry!" came Huni's voice as he and Mori entered the room, Huni riding on Mori's back. "I'm late."

"Huni-kun! Mori-kun!" greeted the girls who were waiting for them. "We've waited for so long."

"Sorry," repeated Huni, as Mori removed the smaller boy and gently placed him on the ground. "I fell asleep waiting for Takashi-kun at the Kendo club." He yawned and rubbed his eyes cutely. "I'm still kinda sleepy."

"He's so cute," squealed the girls.

"Is he really a senior?" asked Haruhi watching the group.

"Don't look at his appearance," said Kyoya walking up to him. "Huni-senpai is a brilliant student. And Mori's selling point is his taciturnity."(I don't actually know what this word means but it was in the sub)

"Ha-ru-chan!" greeted Huni suddenly glomping onto Haruhi. "Wanna eat cake with us Haru-chan?"

"No, I don't really like sweets," confessed Haruhi.

"Then I'll lend you my bunny!" exclaimed Huni not at all put off.

"No, I don't really like bunnies either," said Haruhi.

"You don't like my bunny?" asked Huni thrusting the stuffed toy in Haruhi's face.

"It's cute," confessed Haruhi a light blush on his cheeks.

"Take good care of it okay?" said Huni before dashing off to go be with the girls again.

"Our club utilises everyone's unique traits, as our policy is to satisfy our customers needs," explained Kyoya. "By the way, Tamaki is our number one host – the king. 70 of the customers designate him as their host."

"The end of the world is here huh?" said Haruhi dully.

"By the way, your debt being eight million yen, you'll be this clubs dog until graduation," he smiled kindly at this with a soft laugh. "Ah, my apologies. You'll be in charge of trivial chores. You are free to run away," he added making Haruhi begin to sweat. "But my family has over a hundred private police. Do you have a passport?"

"Huh?" asked Haruhi starting to become seriously worried.

"That's right," said Tamaki appearing out of no where. "Work like a dog, eh, Dasaoka-kun."(1) He gently blew against the back of Haruhi's neck making the boy jump.

"Please stop that," begged Haruhi.

"You won't be popular with the ladies if you're so pathetic," said Tamaki casually.

"I'm not really interested in that," admitted Haruhi.

"What are you saying?" asked Tamaki suddenly holding up a rose. "It's a very important issue. A good man making women happy is everything."

"It doesn't really matter does it?" asked Haruhi. "Men, women or looks. It's what's inside that matters for a person. I'm clueless as to why this club even exists."

"It's such a cruel thing," said Tamaki dramatically. "God sometimes creates perfect beings with perfects insides and outsides."

"Huh?"

"I can understand the feeling of consoling yourself like that," said Tamaki. "You wouldn't be able to live with yourself otherwise. But think about this carefully. Why are there art pieces in the museum? Yes beautiful things show themselves off because it is their duty,"

"What word do you use for people like him?" wondered Haruhi as he half-listened to Tamaki's speech.

"…and so, for people who crave their beauty," continued Tamaki. "I stood up and created this Host Club. Working night and day in pursuit of beauty."

"Let's see," mused Haruhi still deep in thought. "Let's see what was it?"

"It may be unnecessary with your looks," ploughed on Tamaki unconcerned that Haruhi wasn't even listening to him. "But let me pass onto you my elegant techniques. When you put a glass down always use your pinky as a cushion first. That way there won't be a loud sound and you'll find where you left it easier. Doesn't it look classier this way?"

"Troublesome?" tried Haruhi but it didn't sound right. "Nah, there was something more accurate than this."

"A good man should not make ungraceful sounds, and I love to see my reflection in the glass," added Tamaki approaching Haruhi. "Finally at the best moment, a look from a low angle is very effective."

"Ah I know," said Haruhi suddenly out loud.

"Did you heart pump a little faster?" asked Tamaki misinterpreting his words.

"Obnoxious," said Haruhi making Tamaki freeze. He whimpered and crawled into his corner of woe. "Umm, Tamaki-senpai?" The twins who had been watching from nearby suddenly laughed.

"You are a hero after all," they said patting Haruhi on the head.

"Such a troublesome person," groaned Haruhi, then put on a fake smile. "I'm sorry, I was a bit touched." Tamaki stood up and turned around a bright smile suddenly on his face.

"I see, I see!" he exclaimed eagerly. "Then let me teach you more techniques!"

"He recovered fast," deadpanned Haruhi.

"My lord?" asked Hikaru.

"Call me King," interrupted Tamaki.

"Even if you taught him the basics of being a host," said Hikaru.

"In his case he doesn't even pass the most basic visual criteria, right?" added Kaoru moving in front of Haruhi and eying him critically. "Even if you take off his glasses, his eyes will appear even small…" he paused as he removed Haruhi's glasses staring at the eyes beneath them.

"Ah wait," protested Haruhi. "I lost my contacts on the first day of school" Suddenly Tamaki charged up pushing the twins out of the way. He clicked his fingers and the twins jumped to attention.

"Hikaru, Kaoru!" he called.

"Yes!" they announced, grabbing Haruhi and carrying him from the room ignoring the boy's protests.

"Kyoya you call the hair designed," commanded Tamaki pointing at the boy who'd already pulled out his mobile in preparation. "Mori get us some contacts from the nurse!" Mori nodded and left the room.

"Tama-chan what about me?" asked Huni eagerly.

"Huni-senpai you," said Tamaki

"Yeah, yeah!?"

"Eat the cakes please," said Tamaki making Huni deflate.

"You know," moped Huni going to sit down at the tables again. "He said everyone else had important stuff to do."

In the change room Hikaru and Kaoru held out a school uniform for Haruhi.

"Here put this on," they ordered.

"What?" exclaimed Haruhi backing up.

"No questions!" replied the twins pouncing on the poor boy, taking his clothes off and forcing him into the uniform.

"No, stop!" complained Haruhi feeling uncomfortable that the twins were seeing him nearly naked.

"What's the matter?" teased Hikaru. "You small or something?"

"Shut up!" snapped Haruhi.

A short time later Haruhi emerged from the boy's change rooms, his hair styled, his new contacts in showing his eyes, and wearing a set of the schools uniform.

"Umm, senpai?" he asked fingering the collar nervously. "Is it really okay for me to take this uniform?"

"You look so cute," squeed Tamaki. "You're like a girl."

"Haru-chan you're so cute," agreed Huni.

"If you were so good looking," pouted Hikaru.

"Then say so earlier," finished Kaoru.

"He might get customers like this," summed Kyoya.

"Yes just as I predicted," said Tamaki confidently. "You've graduated from trivial chores! Starting today you're an official member of the Host Club. I'll personally train you into a first class host! If you gather a hundred customers that designate you, your eight million yen debt will be gone."

"A host?" groaned Haruhi not at all liking the idea.

Later that day Haruhi found himself sitting at a table with a group of girls, all of whom were eyeing him intently.

"Haruhi-kun," said one. "What are your hobbies Haruhi-kun?"

"Do you take care of your skin in some special way?" asked another.

"It's so beautiful," admired a third.

"It's, it's over," thought Haruhi. "I have no clue what to do."

"Why did you join this club, Haruhi-kun?" asked all three suddenly in unison.

"Eh?" asked Haruhi taken slightly by surprise. "That's right. If I can gather a hundred customers that designate me, then my eight million yen debt will be gone. That was the deal."

From across the room Tamaki watched Haruhi nervously, wondering if he'd be able to handle being a host.

"So?" asked one of the girls at Haruhi's table. "Your mother passed away ten years ago from sickness? So what about house chores?"

"Ah," replied Haruhi. "I do those myself. My mothers was very skilled at cooking. She left me a lot of recipes when she stayed at the hospital. It was very fun to learn them one by one, and my father would get very happy on the days I could do them properly. I really love those times," he finished with a soft smile.

"Umm," asked the girls completely enraptured. "Could we…designate you tomorrow as well?"

"Ah, that would help me out a lot," replied Haruhi.

"He's being accepted," commented Tamaki.

"A complete natural," added Kyoya.

"He doesn't need techniques," noted the twins.

"Tamaki-sama."

"Ah, forgive me my princess," apologies Tamaki having realised he'd left his customer hanging. "I was just concerned about our kid there."

"You seem to have your eye on that person a lot," she noted.

"Of course," replied Tamaki. "I am raising him like my child." He snapped his fingers catching Haruhi's attention. "Haruhi come here for a second." Haruhi nodded and left his table to join Tamaki and his customers.

"Yes?" he asked.

"Give your salutations," said Tamaki gesturing to his customer. "My customer, Princess Ayanokoji."

"Ah that person from before," thought Haruhi remembering, but smiled anyway. "Pleased to meet you."

"That's so cute Haruhi!" exclaimed Tamaki suddenly glomping Haruhi. "That shy looking face is good! Very good!"

"Tamaki-sama?" asked Ayanokoji slightly irritated that she'd been ignored again.

"How cute," continued Tamaki as Haruhi struggled against him.

"Mori-senpai!" he cried out. "Help me please!" In a flash Mori was across the room and pulling Haruhi away from Tamaki, holding the boy in the air out of Tamaki's reach.

"Mori-senpai?" asked Tamaki shocked. "You didn't have to go that far. Come on, come back to papa's arms."

"I don't need two fathers," whined Haruhi as Mori put him down.

The next day after class, as Haruhi was getting ready to leave for the Host Club he noticed that his school bag was missing.

"Hmm, my bag is gone," he noted looking around, then catching sight of something outside the window. Outside in the school pond was his bag. "Oh no. I thought there wouldn't be any bullying at this academy."

He quickly left the classroom, running through the halls, eager to get his bag as quickly as possible. In the hallway he ran into Ayanokoji.

"Ah, you," she said making Haruhi stop. "You look tidy now thanks to Tamaki-sama, huh? Maybe you should fix your ill-bred nature to?" With that she walked off leaving Haruhi alone.

"Well I'm pretty sure that girl was the culprit," sighed Haruhi as he waded into the pond a few minutes later to get his bag. "Regardless of her reason, I need to find my wallet, or else I won't have money for supper tonight."

"Yo, commoner," came Tamaki's voice. "You got a lot of guts to skip on club activities, eh? Why are you washing your bag?"

"I dropped it by accident," lied Haruhi not wanting to make a fuss. "I can't find my food money for this week." Sudden splashing made Haruhi turns to see Tamaki wading into the pond to join him, his pants rolled up like his.

"It's okay," said Haruhi. "You'll get wet to."

"It's okay to get wet," assured Tamaki. "As they say, handsome men can't be hurt by water. Oh, is this what you were looking for." He held up a small wallet. He walked over to where Haruhi was staring at him. "What's wrong. You daydreaming now? Have you fallen for me?"

"Who would," quipped Haruhi snatching the wallet back.

"But why are you dong this?" asked Tamaki.

"Umm, I accidentally dropped it out the window," lied Haruhi.

Having received his bag, Haruhi and Tamaki quickly headed off to the Host Club, where Haruhi found he'd be designated by Ayanokoji.

"My, that was unfortunate," she said after he'd explained why he was late. "A bag fell into a pond by itself?"

"Why did this person designate me?" complained Haruhi to himself.

"But in order to pick up that dirty bag," continued Ayanokoji. "You bothered Tamaki-sama's precious hands for that. You really do not know your place do you? Tamaki-sama is concerned with you because your background in unusual Do not mistake it for him actually adoring you."

"Basically," said Haruhi understanding. "You're being jealous?" Almost immediately Haruhi found himself on the floor above the girl, the table and tea cups crashing to the floor. Ayanokoji screamed.

"Haruhi-kun suddenly got violent!" she cried attracting everyone's attention. "Someone help me quick! Get this commoner off…" she cut off as the pair were doused with water courtesy for the twins. "What are you doing?" Tamaki quickly helped the girl to her feet. "Tamaki-sama, Haruhi-kun wanted to…"

"How graceless," interrupted Tamaki. "You threw Haruhi's bag into the pond."

"How could you," exclaimed Ayanokoji. "Do you have any proof?"

"You're quite beautiful," continued Tamaki. "But you are not fit to be our customer. I know, Haruhi is not that kind of guy."

"Tamaki-sama, you fool!" cried Ayanokoji feeling the room in tears.

"For you," said Tamaki suddenly turning is attention to Haruhi. "I shall inform you of your punishment for causing a ruckus. Now you have to get a thousand customers."

"A…thousand," whimpered Haruhi.

"Here," said Tamaki offering his hand to Haruhi and helping him up. "I look forward to your progress, natural rookie."

"Here," said Kyoya handing Haruhi a bag. "This is a spare uniform for you. Go dry and change okay?"

"Sure, thanks," said Haruhi taking the bag. "I'll be right back okay?" With that he left the room to go change.

"We apologies for the disturbance," said Tamaki. "Please enjoy the rest of the day."

"So what do we all think of him?" asked Kyoya adjusting his glasses.

"I like him!" exclaimed Huni as Mori nodded.

"He'll be fun to play with," said the twins.

"I think he'll make a great Host," said Tamaki eagerly. The group nodded in unison before moving off to attend to their customers again.

(1) This name modification is an insult. Dasa Pathetic.


	2. Chapter 2

JackaGod: Second chapter please enjoy.

Chapter 2 – A High School Hosts Work

"They'll give me a lot of grief if I'm late," mused Haruhi as he ran through the school halls heading for the Host Club. He arrived at the third music room and opened the door, immediately encountering what looked like a tropical island. "Where am I?"

"Welcome," greeted the Host Club dressed as islanders.

"What it's just Haruhi," said the twins. "You're late."

"According to the calendar it should be early April right now," noted Haruhi dully.

"Fearing the chill and curling up under a kotatsu is nonsense," said Tamaki. "What do you think we have this flawless Air Conditioning for?"

"Is there something of the clubs policies you wish to criticise?" asked Kyoya. "O' Haruhi-kun, who owes us an eight million yen debt?"

"A good man should not bundle himself up," announced Tamaki. "Even if it's early spring when the world is freezing. At this club we want to receive those freezing kittens with a tropical paradise aura. Yes, today this place is the ultimate paradise! A hot, hot island of ever lasting summer."

"Actually I feel cold in various ways," deadpanned Haruhi.

Soon enough the Host Club was open for the day and each member was busy entertaining the customers.

"This is such cruelty," said Tamaki. "This skin as sleek as ivory. This ceremonial dress akin to the King of Bali's. But before my goddess I can only succumb," he said softly cupping the face of one of the girls. "And I am nothing but a loyal servant."

"Tamaki-kun," swooned the girl.

"Ah, yes, next week when our Ouran Host Club's dance party takes place."

"Dance party?" asked Haruhi to himself, as he served tea.

"What kinds of things do you do at a dance party?" asked one of the girls to the twins at their table.

"We book the entire central hall of the central building," explained Hikaru.

"And it'll be just the most fantastic thing ever," added Kaoru.

"But I really wanted to spend it alone with you, Kaoru" said Hikaru taking Kaoru's face in his hands.

"Don't say that Hikaru," said Kaoru embarrassed. "Honestly, I too."

"That's so beautiful!" squealed the girls at their table. "Brotherly love with a tropical paradise flavour."

"It seems like out customers are more highly strung than usual," noted Haruhi.

"Exposing a certain amount of skin is well received," replied Kyoya writing away in his note book.

"You planned this tropical paradise, Kyoya-senpai?" asked Haruhi.

"I do not have power to make such decisions," said Kyoya lightly. "The operations of this club are decided on entirely by King Tamaki. But, I guess it paid off to nonchalantly leave a photo collection of Bali on his desk."

"This guy is the Shadow King," deadpanned Haruhi.

"Ta-da!" cried Huni suddenly showing of the flowers around his neck.

"Huni-kun you're so cute," cried the girls around him.

"These are flowers from Bali," informed Huni happily. "We got them delivered by air. Ah Takashi," He grabbed another ring and climbed up Mori's body to put it around the taller boys neck. "See, we make a set!"

"I still find those two incomprehensible," said Haruhi as he watched the girls nearby swoon.

"Haruhi-kun," called one of his own customers making his turn back to them. "You're not going to wear tropical clothing?"

"I want to see," pouted another girl

"No, it's just I feel it more natural to wear early spring clothes in early spring," he said his mind flicking back to the extravagant dress that Tamaki had provided for him, saying his girly looks would make him perfect to play the Queen of Bali.

"Haruhi-kun wants to treasure the sense of the seasons huh?" summed the girl.

"Then it would be wonderful to see blooming cherry blossoms at the dance party."

"A couple dancing among the cherry blossoms," said a third. "How dreamy."

"Is that so?" asked Haruhi. "It's cute of you all to have dreams."

"Pardon me?" came a voice making Haruhi turn. "I believe it's almost time for the next shift now."

"Oh, I'm so sorry," said Haruhi getting out his list of customers. "You're my next customer?"

"Kasugano Kanako from Class 2-B." said the girl taking Haruhi's face in her hand. "You're much cuter than the rumours give credit. I have decided that you will be my next favourite."

Later in the day after the club activities were through Tamaki could be found sitting in the corner looking depressed and eating ramen.

"I cannot accept it," he complained.

"My Lord," whined Hikaru. "Stop eating commoner noodles and help out planning for the dance party.

"Is he so displeased with the fact that Princess Kasugano prefers Haruhi now?" asked Kaoru.

"Her illness isn't something new," noted Kyoya tapping away at his pineapple laptop.

"Illness?" asked Haruhi confused.

"The "host-wandering" illness," informed Hikaru

"In other words the "switch-guys-every-now-and-then" illness," added Kaoru.

"Usually a customers decides on a host and designates them forever," explained Kyoya. "But she has a habit of periodically changing her favourite."

"Just before this her favourite was Tama-chan right?" piped up Huni.

"Ah, so it's just because he got his customer snatched away?" summed Haruhi understanding.

"You should be grateful I'm letting you be a host!" snapped Tamaki from his corner.

"You're just mad because I'm turning out to be a better host than you," snigged Haruhi though he really didn't mean it.

"By the way," began Hikaru as if it had just occurred to him. "Do you have any ballroom dancing experience? That's a must for the party."

"Eh, but the party has nothing to do with my assignment right?" asked Haruhi hopefully. "I'm not interested in events and, actually I'd like to be absent."

"No, ballroom dancing is common for a gentleman," said Tamaki walking over a smug look on his face. "If you want to take the path of a host that much show me exactly how serious you are Haruhi-kun. If you cannot master the waltz in one week and show it off at the party, then I'm demoting you back to trivial chores!"

The next day Haruhi set about leaning the waltz.

"Quick, quick, slow," resited Kanako as she allowed herself to be clumsily lead around the room by Haruhi "Very nice Haruhi-kun," she praised as Huni and Mori spun danced behind them. "Put your feet together at slow. The gentleman must lead. Look carefully at your female partner."

"Yes…" replied Haruhi nervously before tripping over his own feet and crashing to the round right on top of Kanako. "I'm so sorry, Kasugasaki-san!" he exclaimed. Kanako merely wrapped her arms around Haruhi's neck bringing him closer.

"It's okay Haruhi-kun," she said calmly.

"Our Lord looks gloomy," noted the twins looking over to the corner where, Tamaki sat surrounded by an aura of woe.

"I heard he wanted to be his practice partner," said Hikaru with a grin.

"It's impossible for him to be Haruhi's female partner because of his height," added Kaoru.

"Would you like to take a tea break?" offered Kyoya suddenly getting an enthusiastic nod from Haruhi.

"If you don't mind," said Kanako as Haruhi helped her up and over to a table that had been set up for tea.

"I'm sorry Kasugasaki-san," said Haruhi as he poured the tea. "To ask you to be my practice partner."

"Oh, I do not mind," assured Kanako. "I heard you would not be able to receive guest because of your practice. I am rather happy that I will be able to monopolize your time now."

"Ahh," said Haruhi not quite sure of what to say to something like that.

"Oh my, are these new cups?" exclaimed Kanako suddenly noticing. "These are Ginori, right?"

"Ginori?" asked Haruhi not understanding.

"You have the eyes of an expert," complemented Kyoya ignoring Haruhi. "This set came in just yesterday. Our club is putting effort into upgrading it's tea set collection."

"I see," said Kanako in understanding. "It has a gorgeous colour. It's so beautiful."

"You like tableware eh?" asked Haruhi.

"N-n-n-n-no, I don't really like them," stammered Kanako with a nervous laugh, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment. "W-what are you saying?"

"She does like them," thought Haruhi. "But…why would she hide it?" Kanako's odd laughter died away as she lost herself into staring into her tea.

"Good day," came a voice as the door opened. "I brought the tea cups you ordered." At the sound of the voice Kanako jumped slightly.

"Ah, thankyou," said Kyoya moving to great the person who's entered. "The wares you have chosen for us have all been very well received by the ladies. You are very good."

"I'm glad to here that," he said with a small smile.

"Is that someone from the company?" asked Haruhi moving forward to take the box of cups.

"I'm just a student," said the boy. "I'm wearing the school uniform aren't I?" At her table Kanako giggled turning around to face them.

"You are such a funny person Haruhi-kun," she said. "But that is understandable. He doesn't look like the heir to a first-class company."

"Heir?" asked Haruhi as the boy stared at Kanako as if only just realising she was there.

"His family, the Suzushima Trading Company," explained Kyoya. "Mainly deals with the import and export of tableware, and right now, their share of the market is number one in the country. So I asked him to bring us some, whenever a shipment came in. I really trust your eyes Suzushima-kun."

"Oh, my eyes aren't that good yet," said Suzushima hesitantly pulling his attention away from Kanako.

"I heard your study abroad in England starts next month," noted Kyoya conversationally, as Kanako looked depressed.

"Yes," said Suzushima turning to go. "Well then, I'll be going."

"Enjoying your time at the Host Club?" asked Tamaki who'd been watching the entire exchange.

"Are you close to that person just now?" asked Haruhi walking over still carrying the box.

"W-w-w-w-we're not close or anything!" exclaimed Kanako freaking out again. "W-what are you talking about, Haruhi-kun?" Kanako got up and edged past Haruhi her face again flushed. "I-I shall excuse myself for today. Take care" Haruhi watched her leave a little confused.

"Ha-ru-chan!" exclaimed Huni lunging from nowhere to latch onto Haruhi's back. "Did you know? Suzushima-kun is Kasuga-chan's fiancé."

"Eh?" asked Haruhi a little surprised.

"Kyoya?" asked Tamaki his thinking face on. "Since when did you know?"

"About the fiancé business?" asked Kyoya flipping open his folder. "Of course, I have researched our customers. Thos two are childhood friends, and the engagement was decided by their parents. This information does not pose any use to me, so disregarded it."

"You," said Tamaki weakly.

"Suzushima Tohru," continued Kyoya. "Grades are impressive, family prestige is so-so, looks are average, his strong point is his seriously personality. If you had to pick a bad aspect,"

"He doesn't leave a strong impression," jumped in Hikaru."

"He's weak," added Kaoru.

"In other words, he's boring. End of report," finished Kyoya snapping his folder closed.

"He has no mercy on guys," noted Haruhi.

"Tohru-kun is a nice person," noted Huni from his new position on Mori's shoulders. "Right?"

"Yeah," agreed Mori.

"Well then," said Tamaki an air of authority around him. "Let's write out a plan."

"For what!?" asked everyone.

"Our Host Club exists to bring fortune to young ladies," announced Tamaki sparkles appearing around his head in his determination.

One week later the Host Club held their party.

"To all you little lambs who have gathered here tonight," announced Tamaki to the group of girls who'd come. "At our Ouran Host Club Dance Party, Welcome!" he finished bowing the other Hosts following his lead.

"We wish you to enjoy this dance with all of our host club members," said Kyoya. "Also, to the lady to displays the best dance, to the guest who is chosen as the Queen tonight, you shall receive a warm kiss from our King on your cheek."

"Do you best, baby," grinned Tamaki as roses sparkled behind him. The girls screamed in joy while several fainted.

"Haruhi," complained the twins. "You don't look to enthusiastic."

"I'm not used to these events," admitted Haruhi. "As far as dance parties are concerned I've only ever been to the bon-odori in the neighbourhood."

"I probably wouldn't call that a dance party," noted Kyoya. "Well, at least have a taste of the food here. It'll be a treat."

"Treat?" asked Haruhi. "Like ootoro?" Kyoya snapped his pen in shock while the others froze.

"Ootoro!" exclaimed Tamaki and the twins. The twins immediately wrapped their arms around Haruhi cooing 'Poor child' while Tamaki yelled at Kyoya to quickly order some Ootoro for the party.

"Add some premium sushi's platters to that," ordered Kyoya into his cell phone.

"Damn you rich bastards," cursed Haruhi his face red from embarrassment.

"As awful as Haruhi's commoner life is we have guests to entertain," pointed out Tamaki after a while, making the twins let go much to Haruhi's relief. They quickly dispersed throughout the crowd to dance with the guests. Haruhi stood leaning against a collum watching everyone else, as several girls hovered around to the side nervously contemplating whether or not to ask him to dance.

"Haruhi-kun?" came a more confident voice as Kanako walked over. "I've been looking for you. You would dance with me right?" she asked.

"Yes of course," replied Haruhi holding out his hand with Kanako took.

"Kasuga-chan's here," informed Huni as he danced his girl past Tamaki.

"Well then," replied Tamaki confidently. "begin our mission."

"Roger!" said the twins snatching Haruhi and carrying him from the room before he could even lead Kanako to the middle of the dance floor.

"What was that?" asked Kanako bewildered as her dance partner suddenly vanished. "A kidnapping?"

The twins quickly carried Haruhi into an adjacent room where Huni, Mori and Kyoya were waiting.

"You did have to be that forceful," complained Haruhi as a bag was shoved into his arms and he was pushed behind a curtain to change.

"Who cares just change into these already," instructed Kaoru. "You look so much like a girl, with a wig and some makeup you'll fool anyone in a dark room."

"An accident at the end will heat things up," said Kyoya cryptically. "Listen Haruhi. Your time limit is twenty minutes before the climax of the party. We've already called out Suzushima-san to the designated room."

"Be sure to get his true feelings out, eh?" said Huni as Haruhi emerged and sat down so the twins could apply makeup.

"Well we're still feeling insecure because this is our Lord's strategy plan," admitted the twins.

"Hey!" called Tamaki bursting into the room. "How can you all stay back here? Who'll take care of our guests…" he trailed off as Haruhi stood up revealing a dress he was wearing.

"What do you think my Lord?" asked the twins at Tamaki who was still frozen with shock.

"Haru-chan you're so cute," commented Huni as Haruhi walked awkwardly across the room.

"My face feels heavy," complained Haruhi. "I can't walk well in these shoes."

"Give it your best shot," rooted the twins with a grin.

"He's so cute," swooned Tamaki. "He's just like a girl."

On the other side of the school Suzushima waited in an empty classroom. He turned as Haruhi entered, being sure to keep the lights off so Suzushima wouldn't notice he was a guy.

"You are the one that wrote this letter?" asked Suzushima holding a a piece of paper. "You're very different from what I imagined."

"Letter?" asked Haruhi making his voice higher. He took the letter and opened it.

'Love Love!

Ever since I first saw you, my heart has been going super Love Love! Tee-Hee!

As if there were eternal cyclones and never changing typhoons,

My heart is swirling with wings of LOVE!

I want to meet up with your in Noahs ark! ~noda! ~Noda! ~Noda!'

"Who wrote this?" thought Haruhi horrified.

"Hmm, where have I seen you before," asked Suzushima suddenly making Haruhi jump.

"No!" exclaimed Haruhi hoping his cover wasn't blown. "This is the first time I've talked to you."

"I'm sorry," said Suzushima. "Even though you sent me this letter, I won't be able to answer your feelings. There's already a girl whom I cherish."

"That girl is your…" Haruhi trailed off hopefully.

"Unfortunately she's not my girlfriend," admitted Suzushima. "Actually she must be tired of me. I think a brighter more confident person would suit her better."

Out in the hallway Kanoka allowed herself to be lead along by Tamaki.

"Where exactly are you taking me?" she asked as he stopped by a window.

"I do not think your are suited to employing schemes," said Tamaki.

"What do you mean?" asked Kanoka confused.

"No matter how much you try to get his attention, by wandering around various hosts, you look far happier when you look at teacups. Kanako sighed remembering back to when she and Suzushima were young and he would show her his family's cup collection.

"Look at them, Kanako," he had said.

"Wow," she'd replied.

"This one's a Wedgewood," he said pointing. "A Foley, a Worcester. Over here is a Ginori, a Meisen. You're my bride, so I'll teach you everything. Okay?"

"Okay!" she'd replied eagerly.

"Stop it," said Kanoka coming out of her memory. "No matter what I do, he just doesn't care at all. Even this study abroad thing. He made the decision before I knew of it."

Back in the classroom Suzushima was explaining to Haruhi.

"So, I want to change to," he said staring out the window. "I want to see the world, become a better man. I know this sounds selfish, but I wish she could wait for me."

"That really is selfish," commented Haruhi. "Asking her to understand without even telling her is totally unreasonable. If you have string feelings for her, why is it necessary to delay it? From the moment you wanted to change, you will be able to change in my opinion."

Suddenly the door opened, making the pair turn. Standing in the door way was Kanoka who stood their looking between them.

"Kanako," said Suzushima.

"Oh my," said Kanako tears gathering in her eyes. "I'm sorry. It seems as though I have interrupted something." With that she rushed off tears streaming down her face.

"Kanako!" called Suzushima running out of the room and after her. Haruhi rushed out of the room to, to where Tamaki was waiting.

"Aren't we just making things worse?" he asked as he watched them go.

"He went out a chased her," said Tamaki calmly. Haruhi smiled at this in understanding.

"Our Host club exists to bring fortune to calls, eh?" thought Haruhi still smiling.

"Out in the yard Suzushima finally caught up with Kanako grabbing her hand. Suddenly they were bathed in a spotlight, as the Hosts and other guests exited the building into the courtyard where the Sakura petals were falling.

"Well the ladies and gentlemen," announced Tamaki. "Our lovely night together has finally come down to the last song. The last waltz from our Host Club has been dedicated to this couple," he gestured to Suzushima and Kanoka. Suzushima released Kanoka's wrists and bowed to her, holding out his hand.

"Princess Kasuga," he said working up his courage. "Would you be willing to dance with me."

"Yes," replied Kanoka taking Suzushima's hand. The Hosts and guests watched on as they danced. Haruhi smiled happy for them, now out of that dress and back into his suit from before. The twins stood munching on banana's from the food table completely non-plussed.

"I like you," confessed Suzushima. "I always have. Let me propose to you again."

"Tonight," thought Kanoka. "The host-wandering girl is no more."

"Let us bless this clumsy couple," said Tamaki throwing out his hands making Haruhi duck so as not to get hit.

"Tonight's dance queen is," began Hikaru still holding his banana skin.

"Princess Kasugasaki Kanoka," finished Kaoru also holding his banana skin. At this all the guests broke into applause.

"Well then the blessing kiss from the King," announced the twins together throwing up their now suspiciously empty hands.

"My time has come, eh?" said Tamaki.

"Has now been changed to being from Fujioka Haruhi," added the twins making Tamaki freeze in shock.

"Hey!" exclaimed Tamaki.

"Because Kyoya-senpai said, 'An accident at the end will heat things up'" admitted the twins with a shrug.

"It's just the cheek right?" asked Suzushima placing a gentle hand on Kanako's shoulder. "Go get your kiss, as your graduation present from host wandering."

"This is going too far," complained Haruhi.

"I'll cut your debt by a third," said Kyoya.

"Oh, well it's just the cheek," sighed Haruhi as he descended the stairs.

"Hey, hey," said Huni something suddenly occurring to him. "Could it be that this is Haruhi's first kiss?"

"What!" exclaimed Tamaki. "Well this'll be an experience for him."

At the bottom of the stairs Haruhi reached out to give Kanako a quick kiss but slipped on one of the twins banana peels. Seeing Haruhi fall Kanako stepped forward to catch him, only to find her self, suddenly lips-to-lips with the boy. With an exclamation they both jumped back. At this all the guests burst into applause.

"Even though I lost my first kiss through a weird series of events," thought Haruhi. "The night had a goof feel to it. So everything's fine I guess."

JackalGod: And that's the end of that chapter. Sorry it took so long. It's a hassle going through the episode and copying down each line.


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